An Irishman
goes to the Doctor with bottom problems....
"Doctor,
it's me arse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot".
So the doctor
gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.
"Incredible"
he says, "There is a £20 note lodged up here."
Tentatively he
eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, and then a £10 note appears.
This is
amazing!" exclaims the Doctor. "What do you want me to do?"
Well for
gadness sake teyhk it out, man!" shrieks the patient.
The doctor
pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another and another and
another. Finally the last note comes out and no more appear.
Ah Dactor, tank
ya koindly, dat’s moch better, how moch is dare den?"
The Doctor
counts the pile of cash." £1,990 exactly."
“Ah, dat'd be roit. I knew I wasn't feeling two grand."
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Mary Clancy
goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service and she's in tears.
He says,
"So - what's bothering you, dear?"
She says,
"Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last
night."
The priest
says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last
requests?"
She says,
"Aye, That he did, Father..."
The priest
says, "What did he ask, Mary?"
She says,
"He said, 'Please, Mary, put down that damn gun "
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Two Irishmen
are sitting in a small town bar, where Mick bragged to Sean,
"You know,
I had me every woman in this town, except of course, me mother and me
sister."
"Well,"
Sean replied, "between you and me we got 'em all."
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Mahoney said to
his friend McMaken, "I haven't been feeling myself lately!"
"Tis a
good thing, too - that was a nasty habit you had!" responded McMaken.
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An Irishman who
had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of
course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over.
"So,"
says the cop to the driver, "where have you been?"
"Why, I've
been to the pub of course." slurs the drunk.
"Well,"
says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this
evening".
"I did all
right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you
know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his
chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?
"Oh, thank
heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone
deaf."
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