Saddam Hussein's son comes home from shopping with everything in a cardboard box...
His dad says: "Why have you brought the shopping home in a cardboard box, son?"
To which his son replies:
"Because there's no Baghdad"
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The Irish guards have just called in......
They report after heavy resistance they are 15 miles from Bagshot
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Reporter 1 - Latest news looks like 450,000 Iraqi's have been killed and a BBC reporter.
Reporter 2 - Who killed the reporter ?
Reporter 1 - I told you no one cared about the Iraqis
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Q: What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common?
A: Nothing, yet.
Q: What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving?
A: Turkey.
Q: What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common?
A: They both have Kurds in their Whey.
Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common?
A: They both want to know where those Tomahawks are coming from!
Q: What is the best Iraqi job?
A: Foreign Ambassador.
Q: How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They can't turn them on anyway.
Q: How many Brits does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he does it from 30 miles away using laser targeting, and at a
cost of 800,000 pounds
Q: "How many members of the coalition does it take to screw in a
light-bulb?"
A: "We are not prepared to comment on specific numbers at this time."
Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?
A: You only have to teach them to take off.
Q: How do you play Iraqi bingo?
A: B-52...F-16...B-1
Q: What is Iraq's national bird?
A: Duck.
Q: What's the difference between Aeroflot and the Scud Missile?
A: Aeroflot has killed more people.
Q: How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone?
A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.
Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats?
A: So they can see their Air Force.
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IRAQI TV GUIDE
06.00 - Morning Prayers
07.30 - "The Rock 'n Roll Years 629 AD" - A look back at the events of
the last year, including the execution of 2,300 dissidents and the
opening of a new French oil refinery.
08.00 - FILM: "Saddambusters" - Dramatisation of the glorious 1991 Iraqi
victory in Kuwait.
09.30 - "Have I Got Genocide For You" - Celebrities make weapons of mass
destruction out of everyday objects.
10.00 - "Holiday" - The team check out nice places for the Saddam family
to retire. Featuring: North Korea, Rhodesia and France.
10.30 - "M*U*S*T*A*S*H"
11.30 - "Tomorrow's World" - New torture inventions for scientists who
refuse to make nuclear bombs.
12.00 - "Green Peter" - The total amount of smallpox virus bought by the
milk bottle top appeal is revealed. Also - three ways to burn a flag, and
how to make a President Bush effigy.
12.30 - "Only Fools and Camels" - Dhal-Boy offloads some dodgy French
rocket-launchers to a bloke from Hamas.
13.30 - "Koranation Street" - Deirdrie faces execution by cat o'nine tails
for being a shiite. Benny is hung upside-down for being homosexual.
14.00 - "Question Time" - Members of the public face awkward questions
from the Secret Service.
15.00 - "Allah McBeal"
15.30 - "You've Bin Ladened" - Amusing footage shot secretly in Iraq's
prisons. The film-makers were also secretly shot.
16.00 - "Middle-East Enders" - The entire cast is beheaded for not
saluting when Saddam comes on the telly.
16.30 - "Sadd's Army" - The Basra-on-Sea home guard repel another attack
by evil, imperialist, Zionist backed infidels. Fraser has his willy hacked
off for stealing some of Corporal Jones's sausages.
17.00 - "Wheel of Terror"
17.30 - "Talitubbies" - Dipsy and Tinky-Winky make nerve-gas.
18.00 - FILM: "Saddam's Angels" - The three burkha-clad sleuths go
undercover to expose an evil scheme to bring democracy and free speech to
Iraq.
19.30 - "Big Brother" - Who will be taken to Baghdad and executed this
week?
20.30 - "Xena: Modestly Dressed Housewife" - Xena stays at home in a mask
and does some housework.
21.30 - "Buffy the Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer".
22.30 - "The Sky At Night" - What to see in the Iraqi night sky during
March: including B52 Bombers, Stealth Fighters and Cruise Missiles
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As we know, the French have decided to be against the war ...
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The American MOAB or "Mother of All Bomb'" |
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(and yes I know Afghanistan and Iraq are two different countries ...) |
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