An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on counter.

"I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." She says.

"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.

"No" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."

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Essex Girl enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.

The man says "Choose from our range on the wall."

She says, "I'll take the red one."

The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."

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An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and bleeding. The paramedics soon arrive on site.

Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some questions?"

Girl: "OK"

Medic: "What's your name?"

Girl: "Tracy"

Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"

Tracy: "Romford, mate"

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An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang. It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her,

"Treacle, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the A13. Please be careful!".

"It's not just one car!", said the Essex girl, " There's hundreds of them!"

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Another Essex girl was involved in a serious crash; there's blood everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying flat out on the floor.

Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."

Tracy: "Ok"

Medic: "Ok the how many fingers am I putting up"

Tracy: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"

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An Essex girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the Essex girl notices something strange about the wellies the Irish guy is wearing.

She says, "S’cuse me mate, I ain’t being fanny or nuffink, but why doz one of your wellies 'ave an L on it and the uva one's got an R on it"

So the Irish guy smiles, puts down his glass of Guinness and replies,

"Well oim a little bit tick you see. The one with the R on it is for me roight foot and the one with the L is for me left foot"

"Cor blimey", exclaims the Essex girl, "So THATS why me knickers 'ave got C&A on them.

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